Please send photos, video clips, telegram or letter greetings by  email by Aug. 15, 2017.

Please consider co-hosting
Nano & Tatone's
Big Italian Picnic
(The 2017 DiCarlo Family Reunion)

Sun. Aug. 27, 2017 | 10am-5pm
Toddy Jones Park, Amherstburg
Family gets together rain, shine, even snow.

Our family has a story

Tatone Donato left for Canada in 1949, a year ahead of his family.  He wanted to make sure this was where his wife, Nano Grazietta and him saw their family for their future.  He wanted to get a start on laying a foundation for his family that was built on what seemed like a lot of hard work, sweat and surely, a few tears.  It's said he would walk up to ten kilometers at times just to find odd jobs or do farm work for extra money.  He of course, learned the English language slowly and adopted a new culture the best he could. 

A year later, Nano packed up what little they owned and embarked on a Trans-Atlantic sea journey - traveling with eight children.   The DiCarlos landed as immigrants to a foreign land and grew their family here with three more Canadian-born children.   They made it work through hardships and change from the very beginning.  It was never normal in any sense of the idea.  It is an authentic journey that is our family story.  Theirs was a story built from their heart.

A true love story never has an ending.
richard bach

AA matter of perspective:
A look at Our Life as DiCarlo cousins, in everything left unsaid

It's not often we reflect on those challenges that we faced as first-generation Canadians, which pale of course to our grandfather's, but nonetheless we share.  The quick and simple reality is that we didn't have affluent or influential parents in the community because as Canadian rookies, many didn't go to post-secondary let alone finish high school.  But what they didn't have, was made up for by the ways of the heart.  When they were outside of the home, it is what identified them as foreign or different.  But, they came alive back at home. 

It's now almost 70 years that's passed since Tatone first stepped foot into this new world.  As our generation is having to re-skill to keep up with shifting industry relevance and automation's influence, or combine contract work or part-time work to supplement our entrepreneurial or educational endeavours, or balance staying close to our folks for whatever the reasons, they're still all with us.  We surely find the attention that we receive overwhelmingly - that our aunts and uncles keep track of our everyday lives even though they were not physically there.  But all they know, is how to stay connected, even though the focus is on knowing "when or what or how" and never really digging deeper to understand "why."  It's all they've ever done, altogether.

We see in them as a whole, their resolve of always choosing to be kind, modest and gentle people. When you ask around the community these days, people know who the DiCarlos are and what they value.  The life they navigated was possibly about staying safe, not in the sense of being harmed or hurt, but from the idea of not being the person who broke away from the behaviour that was agreed upon as the right thing to do.  They have a much more direct gratitude for their parents who brought them to Canada - which was and still is a place their figuring out, especially as it's still changing.  But there's undoubtedly a very strong bond with eleven siblings.  Maybe it's harder to try something different for fear of being the one to break a strong bond.  And as time passes, this becomes habitual and conditioned in a big, Italian family of a defined set of appropriate or inappropriate values. 

This deep and constant bond that they've all relied forever, could suggest that each of our relationships with our parents would be close to identical as well, without much room for variation for parts that are too different.  But in 2017, we could possibly be at the limits of keeping a game face on with the realities of the lives we are living.  There is never a problem with celebrating milestones, or success or good times in our realities.  But this rarely includes the reality of our struggles, challenges, vulnerabilities, confusion and memories of our past.   We too are participating in their very filtered approach to staying safe with each other as cousins when we are already aware of some of the stigmas that each other carry, when we choose to empower silence.  Many of us continue in our 20s and 30s and 40s and 50s and 60s, to filter aspects of our lives when we connect to each other as cousins, or to our aunts and uncles - even though they are important parts of ourselves.

I'm hopeful that we have an opportunity now, to start a conversation that is more organic and sensitive to the diversity of the DiCarlo family.  Celebrating our dynamic personalities, unique families we've created, and our adversities will embolden our bond of what defines who a DiCarlo is.  If you take the translation of our last name literally, DiCarlo means "of Carlo".  But in modern times, we're "of Dan and Grace."  But the current questions unspoken is how we'd be able to grow this family for our future if we haven't practiced speaking genuinely of our lives in real ways thus far.  There's no mistaking it, that those of us who have children will see in them even more dynamic and authentic possibilities than the stories we're living out in our everyday life.  And we should keep the spirit of our grandparents mindful in how they took great risks into different and new.

We know that there is love living in our family.  But imagine how much more joy could be allowed with honest communication about who we are and how we're feeling.  After a while, we too will have less of a sense to know what's appropriate to say when we are around each other and our parents.  Many of us have struggled to communicate with our folks, because they lack the skills to take confident steps into change - like Tatone did.   We don't help one another as cousins either, by justifying their attitudes, and at times, ignorance.  We shouldn't just assume that because they are in their 60s and 70s and 80s that there's justification in hiding by ideas like being old-school, traditional, of a different generation, simple, Italian.   The aim isn't to change them by any means, but there should be mutual respect to embrace what is.  We shouldn't empower silence when we get together, but instead celebrate how rich we for our authentic experiences that are diversely different that can only be understood when we share our stories with our family. 


Tatone wanted to start these family reunions while he was still alive so that when there was a day he wouldn't be here, we'd have a bond to go by.  For whatever the reasons our parents have convinced themselves of, we haven't had a family reunion in three years.  But, we also know how important their brothers and sisters are to our parents.  You can see it by how they tease of who's whispering the loudest playing cards, they want to find out why one of them went to the doctor's office or when they're coming back from grocery shopping or if they actually went to 'the bingo' or to the golf course or to the tracks.   They see that there's no excuses not to know what's going on in each other's lives.  It's all they have ever known.  And what we have known too.

Consider the size of our family and consider how close they still are in proximity, today.  Many of us grew up as next-door neighbours, and school-mates, and team-mates and cousins and family.  The furthest that two of eleven siblings are is in South Windsor, a short 30-minute drive away from the home they grew up in.  And Aunt Ann and Uncle Al are practically neighbours too!  Every other sibling lives in Amherstburg (McGregor).  They may be stubborn or oblivious to see how interdependent they are on one another, but this is their life as it is.  And it's our life too.


Changes in every generation
The entire family wants to make sense of the changes, but we can easily see their limitations and what's shaped their perspective.  At the heart of it, they're really trying to help us the best they can.  They didn't know that life can still go on after divorce and that grandchildren will therefore be at some holidays and not others. It's becoming better understood that people can loose jobs for not doing anything wrong or that you may have to change jobs or careers or cities or provinces or move to France to enjoy your way of life, for now.

Conversations are becoming impossible to dodge any longer, that some of us are living with mental health challenges that take on many different guises for different reasons.  Whether they were in our past or showed up temporarily or it's an ongoing struggle, some of us experienced eating disorders, drug dependencies and alcohol addictions, anxiety and a range of mood disorders.  And while our parents have a distinct way of communicating (which at times is miscommunication or non-confrontation), we express ourselves possibly as intuitive or empathetic, Deaf, reserved or sensitive, dramatic in our depths, erratic in temperament, with learning difficulties, contrary to gender stereotypes, or spontaneous in a new single-life. 

Many of us are in new relationships or re-marriages with a new experience of life that involves step-siblings, step-children, step-grandchildren or even more nieces and nephews.  They might even be confused that you're still not married or did not have children, that you're partner is of a different ethnicity other than Italian, even a different race, and possibly of the same sex.  They've likely made clear notice if you bought a home and are married common-law or if a child is coming before nuptials.  And a clear notice is also made if you're renting and not owning a home or if we're currently spending time with our parents or in-laws to try to reconnect with them as we transition to our next steps in a world that's in change. 

They seemed to not want to speak of these authentic parts of our lives, because well, they'll likely mis-communicate the reality because they may not have an understanding of it.  We all know that this is what life looks like across our big family these days.  Even if we're Italian.  Whether we speak about it or not.

These are our lives - and it's worth celebrating!

There was always time for family-time

Close your eyes and listen to the laughter and volume level of a typical weekday evening visiting Nano and Tatone. We were likely around the dining room table that was angled into the kitchen if there was an influx of family visiting.  If the weather was nice, especially late summers around tomato season, those tables were lined up starting in the garage and coming out into the driveway if needed - no questions asked, we just got more chairs.  If anything, it was always a pleasant surprise to see who was coming next.  But we've all been there. 

Imagine the energy it took to keep up with two or three conversations occurring at the same time, that we all seemed to be following or participating in.  There was layers of communication spoken and unspoken in Italian, broken English, Abruzzo slang, eye rolling, pinching if manners weren't used or if you forgot to kiss someone, huffing and sighing, hand gestures, facial expressions, an accordion at times, singing, Italian songs playing, but always lots of laughter.   And recall all of the post-dinner snack food, that was shared from hunting trips, picked from the trees or vines in the backyards or pulled from gardens.   And whether it was Nano herself or one of our aunts, something freshly baked was always a part of everyday life.  We would have to wait until we were all 'officially' served the sweets when it was time to switch gears to formally wrap up their round table discussions of the day's or week's affairs.   That changing gears from the snack-introductions to finishing with a coffee or espresso (sometimes with liqueurs - whisky if you were teething) meant that there was still a good 30 to 60 minutes to go, before they could part with one another for that day.   And remember being picked up off the floor or sofa or your head out of a textbook at the kid's side table, wherever it was you feel asleep.   Some of us walked home or bicycled home.  This home that is all a part of us, was our mutual second-home on Texas Road.  And rain or shine, or snow-storm, they were connected to the importance of love.  Everyday.

Michael J. Fox said that "Family is not an important thing. It's everything."   


It's our time to lead
If you were to check within, which we've been trying to do for a few years now, maybe we're being called to tug on the bond that is there, to remind our parents that there's no best way to get together, you just get together.  Flip through our childhood family photos, and you'll see that we were always around celebrating any moment in each other's lives. There wasn't a right way to do it.

We know that life comes full circle at some point or another.  Let's really try our best to not take on the burden of keeping a party going, but to embrace this a new and different opportunity for our entire family to collectively set the pace of how we celebrate the DiCarlo legacy.  Surely, our folks likely downplay it's importance or think it's a fuss, but we should know better.  This is an invitation to get the cousins and our families together and casually, in a simple-sort-of-way, tell our parents that they're invited too.  We could bring them as our guests.  They can be very special guests, really.


Personally speaking
I have been at my parent's place for a longer-than-expected sabbatical.   I put real estate in Toronto aside a few years ago because communication has become increasingly important to me.  I have been trying to communicate in authentic news ways  with my parents based on my specific story and because it's what my social business is rooted in.  However, because I'm so passionate and highly invested in this awareness, I may be digging into this more than is our common reality or that you're comfortable with.   But the evidence is everywhere around us, that the world is in this same transition also, striving for a human-friendly inclusion.  Although my hometown visit is long overdue, and I am heading back to Toronto next week, I saw a need to address this as an opportunity.  I hope I've been sensitive as this may only be my experience and my observation.  I'm putting it out there to see if this makes sense to you too.

It might be inappropriate in doing so, but I have everything to loose if I don't.   I'm putting this opportunity out to you - each of us 30 cousins - of doing something new to the times, unique to address where I think we're collectively at, and to test that love that this family is built on.  Please have a look at the ideas being presented here and see if what I've presented resonates with you. 

I've paid for The Toddy Jones Park for Sunday, August 27, 2017 giving us enough time to plan something together.  If you'd agree that it's time that we throw the picnic reunion, please let me know by Wednesday, June 21, 2017.  Based on 30 cousins, I will keep the date reserved for us if we can get a majority to agree to have it and host it.  "I'm in" in case there was doubt so the count thus far is at 1 of 16.  If there's no interest for whatever reasons, then I can still cancel the date to get my money back before leaving for Toronto.  If you want to chat or have questions, please email me here or call me 647-567-9239.   If there is enough support by next Wednesday, (we'll know by the Facebook & Whatsapp yay's or nay's) we can move to the next step of deciding what the day should look like and who can help with what.  First step is to decide if this is a go or not.  Then, if it is, then we can collaborate on how we approach this and what the picnic will look.   Then, we can send out a tailored invitation for our parents & children/ grandkids.

Thank you for letting me share my perspective with you.  Again, this is only to see if there is enough support for a picnic this year.  By clicking on the button below, you can get a feel for what the day could look like, and how we can use the website as sharing the picnic invitation information quickly and clearly and it can get people communicating over the summer as well as have something positive for our parents' to look forward to.

CHECK OUT THE SAMPLE INVITE